Lunch Quest: Edinburgh

Our fast-food burger vignette continues with a trip to popular local calorie emporium, Snax.

You will no doubt remember that we’ve visited Snax before, and it provided us with solidly hearty stodge, to chase the cold away. Today we were hell-bent on sampling from their range of burgers, having already reviewed those on offer in McDonald’s and the Burger King, as part of this mini-odyssey.

I was hoping to also sample from the burger van that I recall was parked outside St James’ Centre, offering tasty looking things, but sadly it seems to have been replaced by something called Crepe Array. Perhaps it will return soon.

Anyway, to Snax we headed, choosing the route behind the galloping cuddy (as the ever reliable Mr Fleming reminds me, the horsey in question is named Copenhagen) carrying Wellington to triumph. This was for two reasons: to my mind, this is the correct route for negotiating the statue, and was the route I always took when a small child; and secondly, the tall and persistent Colin Fox blocked our path round the open side, so the narrow side seemed entirely more fitting.

My previous review covered the ambience of Snax. I hear on the grapevine that the estimable John Swinney MSP was seen “sitting-in” the other day, so it’s clearly becoming something of a celebrity hotspot.

Although the place was its useful chaotic throng, we were served immediately, both opting for the cheeseburger and chips. We were offered both onions and salad, but chose to keep it simple. Gary opted to bedeck his offering in red sauce, while I opted to simply caress my chips with brown sauce.


I was very pleased with my burger. It tasted of burger and cheese, exactly like it should have, and as Gary put it “everything about the experience was almost exactly adequate”. This is a commendable thing.


Snax is certainly an upgrade on your McDonald’s and Burger King in terms of taste and flavour. The chips were better if still not entirely brilliant. Brown sauce is always a winner with me, so this put a big smile on my face, as I contentedly munched things at my desk.

We’re going to take a little break from the fast-food burger quest, for a couple of reasons: firstly, the old arteries could use a touch of mercy; and secondly, we need to re-group and identify some additional places. One of our splendid readers has suggested an ostrich burger at the Farmer’s Market, so I’ll certainly partake of that, when I identify a Saturday morning that I’m keen to participate in. In addition, we need to find a good burger van, to replace the missing St James’ Centre one. Maybe the chap who stands at the Kirkgate might be a good place to start.

Scores
Gary scores Snax:
3/5 for food
3/5 for presentation
3/5 for service
3/5 for setting
giving an overall 12/20

Blythe scores Snax:
3/5 for food
3/5 for presentation
3/5 for service
3/5 for setting
giving an overall 12/20

We ate: Red cheeseburger and chips, Brown cheeseburger and chips

We drank: in the honey-sweet words of Colin Fox, as he lambasted the utility companies

We wore: translucent ear plaster, stylish spectacles

Total bill: £6

Well, we seem to have dived-off into an amusing little vignette, focussing on some “restaurants” that weren’t originally within our field of interest. It’s funny how life, and lunch, works out, sometimes.

Strangely enough, on the day when we read about The Mulroy’s regal launch, we decided to visit another jolly old royal, The Burger King ;-)

In my younger and more vulnerable years, I used to pop in to see the Burger King relatively regularly, often after many a pint in Pivo. I vividly recall learning a veritable profanisaurus of Spanish swear words, from one of the regular, Friday night security guards. But those days have gone, that particular palace lies vacant, and the search for Whoppers these days takes you to less glamorous spots, like Waverley Station.

As with my trip to McDonald’s, where I’d not previously had a Large Mac, so with the Burger King, I’d never previously had a Whopper. I negotiated the interplay of questioning slightly less well, on this occasion, but still managed to convey my intention with reasonable efficacy.


My dining colleague, Gary, opted for the Premium Angus meal.


We both chose a popular cola drink, as an accompaniment.


By fast food standards, we had quite a time to wait. Particularly given that this branch is located in a train station, and is presumably used to fevered commuters demanding instant meaty gratification, before boarding their clickety-clack of choice, I thought the service peculiarly sluggish.

When our meals arrived, and we had swapped them over so we had the right ones, we sat down to tuck in. If the standard of presentation for these type of places is how accurately the choice looks like its laminated photographs, then I think the Large Mac looked a little more like the photograph than the Whopper did. On the other hand, the Whopper looked a good deal more appetising though, and so it proved.

This was a burger as you might reasonably expect a burger to taste: meaty. It’s array of accompaniments, including gherkins, ketchup, tomato and lettuce, all added some element of flavour. The bun was still more foam pad than actual baked good, but I was pretty pleased with what I ate.


The fries were non-descript, and in somewhat scarcer supply than in McDonald’s but that could have been down to my ordering.

Overall, I enjoyed the Burger King’s food much more than McDonald’s but they don’t have the fast-food service working anywhere near as well, at least not in this particular branch. Our fast-food burger quest will roll on to Snax, next week. As always, we’d welcome suggestions for other places to consider. Any good burger vans lurking nearby, for example?

Scores
Gary scores Burger King:
3/5 for food
3/5 for presentation
2/5 for service
3/5 for setting
giving an overall 11/20

Blythe scores Burger King:
3/5 for food
3/5 for presentation
2/5 for service
3/5 for setting
giving an overall 11/20

We ate: Premium Angus meal, Whopper meal

We drank: popular cola drink

We wore: Belstaff jacket, ear plaster

Total bill: c.£11

We are nothing if not diverse.

Today, the golden arches beckoned us towards their speedy sustenance store. For balance, we will be attending to that other great paragon of swift burgerdom, the Burger King, soon, as well as sampling another, slightly more locally sourced equivalent, perhaps from Snax or other similar joint (recommendations welcomed).

But, on with today’s business. What more is there to say about McDonald’s than that which has already been said a hundred times over? Love them or loathe them, they are a feature of high streets up and down the land. They are the home of the “Happy Meal” and the “Big Mac”.

I am not a connoisseur of the McDonald’s products. My drinking habits usually placed me within the catchment area of the Burger King emporia, so I must admit to never having sampled a Big Mac. There’s a first time for everything, and for me today was my Big Mac deflowering.

I was accompanied for this humbling ceremony by Gary, who has been on sabbatical from lunch questing, since joining for our wondrous meal in Mithas, a few months ago.

We chose the McDonald’s outlet in Waverley Market (I still can’t quite come to terms with calling it Princes Mall), which is one of their smaller branches. The queues for the service counter were agreeable light, so I was quickly attended by a spirited young girl asking me challenging questions from a colourful palette on interrogatives. “Is that a large?” “”What drink with that?” “Regular or diet?” “Sit-in or takeaway?”

I expertly slalomed my way through this complex matrix of decisions, being rewarded with a large Big Mac, fries, and popular cola drink, for the princely sum of £4-odd.


Gary chose a large Quarterpounder with Cheese, fries and popular cola drink, for around the same price.

The tables and chairs were basic, but clean and functional. We unpacked our food and beheld it in all its majesty. My Big Large Mac looked rather like the display pictures, which was heartening. Shards of lettuce poked out at jaunty angles. Taste wise, the dominant flavour came from the gherkins. The meat offered a transverse medium for the pickled piquancy, rather than providing a strong savoury meatiness to contend with it. The bun offered padding. The cheese offered little.

Gary fared a little better, by simple virtue of his burger being augmented by a few more condiments, to tickle his palette. Ketchup and mustard had a little play with the gherkins, creating something at least touch more interesting.


The fries were suitably salty, and the popular cola drink chilled to teeth chattering coldness. What’s more, the popular cola drink came with a lovely free glass!


Overall, Gary’s verdict was, “it was exactly as expected.” I have to say, that’s pretty close to what I thought as well. Big chains like McDonald’s have a bad name, but I can think of countless restaurants that people hammer for lack of consistent delivery. We had a pretty good go at that type of thing with our review of Whigham’s. With McDonald’s, you get a consistent product. That can be extremely comforting. You don’t get oodles of imagination, style, elegance or panache, but in case you were wondering if they’re still serving the same stuff you used to eat, last time you visited, I can confirm that they are.

Scores
Gary scores McDonald’s
3/5 for food
3/5 for presentation
3/5 for service
3/5 for setting
giving an overall score of 12/20

Blythe scores McDonald’s
2/5 for food
3/5 for presentation
3/5 for service
3/5 for setting
giving an overall score of 11/20

Today’s Lunch Questers were: Gary, Blythe

We wore: Wednesday ware

We ate: quarter-pounder with cheese, Big Mac, fries

We drank: popular Cola drink

Total Bill: c.£9

Once more, MJ is away on her travels, this time frolicking in the fields of Scotland like a dappled deer. She’ll be gambolling around making contented whinnies, as she dreams of the pecan groves of her youth. Bless her heart.

So, left unsupervised once more, I resorted to a quick Lunch Quest solo, today, and took inspiration from those delightful darlings at Lunch Quest: London, and went for a walk on the grease-side.

Snax is a hidden gem of comfort stodge, carefully secreted behind Princes Street, near that famous vaudevillian haunt, The Penny Black. In my version of youth (involving less pecans than MJ’s), we used to get the folks at Snax to deliver us link sausage rolls (two with red sauce, one with brown) a couple of times a week, using a dear old fax machine to manage the transaction. “Fax Snax” was the cry of the hungover hoards.

I misty-eyedly digress.

Snax can be relied upon to provide no-nonsense grub for reasonable prices. All day breakfasts, hot and cold filled rolls, and a range of luncheon options are available to the hungry Horace on the hoof. You can even sit in on a high stool and eat your chosen items on the premises.

Today I chose chilli and chips.


I was rewarded with a good portion (more generous on the chips than the chilli) of hot sustenance. The chilli had just the right amount of poke for lunchtime, with a good mixture of textures, from soft beef mince and kidney beans, to crunchy peppers. The chips were crisp and satisfying.

Snax is not catering to the sophisticated palette, but its brand of hot and hearty comes in surprisingly handy on Scotland’s “scorching” summer days. It’s well worth popping in, saying hello to the ever cheery staff, and partaking of their warming wares.


Today’s Lunch Quester was: Blythe solo.

He wore: His fourth favourite Turnbull & Asser tie.

He ate: Chilli and Chips

He drank: Nothing (I had just had a cuppa before lunch).

Total Bill: £3.40

Snax
15-17 West Register Street
Edinburgh EH2 2AA

In a slight departure from our regular stuff, today I thought I’d do a little contribution on the sandwich shop lunch, a staple of those days when we don’t have somewhere lavish to dine.

I have written fondly of my halcyon days in a previous office location, where daily trips to Domenico’s brightened my very being. Nowadays, transported to one of the most unlikely lunching dead-zones in all of the city, I have to content myself with regular trips to Greggs, in between trips to more glamorous lunch spots.

Greggs is a fine old institution, founded Gosforth High Street in 1951. Although much-maligned over the years, the business is a considerable success story, with expansion continuing even in the face of straitened economic circumstances.

It has a reputation for hearty fare, and although previously criticised for being light of the calorific detail, you can now munch sandwiches in proud awareness of the 770 calories you are about to ingest.

Among my generation of grubby, unhealthy, slovenly blokes, Greggs provides a widely accepted taste marker. As once there was Miller or Kronenbourg, Marlboro or B&H, there is and always will be Steak Bake or Macaroni Pie.

Now, this is not to say that the steak bake and macaroni pie are mutually exclusive, but it’s certainly always at the forefront of considerations. For me, it’s always the macaroni pie. Indeed, this carbohydrate loaded beauty has a very special place in Lunch Quest hearts, given that it’s one of the great inspirations behind the establishment of Lunch Quest: Jerusalem.

I digress. To the task at hand: is lunch from Greggs any good? Let’s confine things to what we sampled, today, for now. My colleague Gary, who previously joined us for a spot of Mosque Kitchen lunch questing, chose a limited edition Mexican Bandit baguette.


I chose a simple ham and cheese.


We then pooled our resources to capture a pair of macaroni pies at a knock down price of 2 for £1.50.

My cheese and ham baguette was a remarkably literal interpretation. It had cheese, ham and nothing more than a smear of butter. 10/10 for accuracy; 2/10 for imagination. Gary’s had some spicy chicken and chilli cheese, with sweet chilli relish and a hint of mayo, topped with crunchy salad. These were both good enough, but largely unremarkable.

However, as previously suggested, it is with baked goods that Greggs excels. Today’s macaroni pies were spot-on: warm but not volcanic; filled to the brim with gooey goodness; and caramelised to just the right level. They’re possibly the most unhealthy thing in history, but boy do they taste good!


As a one-off experience, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with Greggs. They keep things simple, cater to their audience, and make tasty things.

But here’s the rub: repeated exposure can’t be good. Primarily, their range, particularly on the sandwich front, lacks sophistication and breadth. Due to the aforementioned lunch dead-zone, I eat at Greggs a couple of times a week. I will never tire of their baked goods, but the sandwiches quickly lose their appeal. The calorific content probably isn’t entirely a good thing, either.

On that dead-zone, I wish Domenico’s would hurry up and open “Domenico’s in the City”. Our other options in the vicinity are Deli Fresco on Leith Street, which offers incredibly poor quality and value, and The Square in North St David’s Street, which I quite like but is a little pricey.

I suppose I could use Boots, but the idea of buying lunch from a chemist that wants to prescribe me crisps for lunch has never quite appealed.

So, I’d say pop in to Greggs and try their stuff, but keep lunchtime visits well spaced out. On the other hand, macaroni pie indulgence time should be as frequent as your physician and tailor will allow! ;-)


Today’s Lunch Questers were: Gary, Blythe

We wore: The workaday suits of automaton drudgery

We ate: Mexican bandit baguette, ham and cheese baguette, brace of macaroni pies

We drank: Nothing but salty tears

Total Bill: c.£6

Greggs
Various Outlets across Edinburgh (and beyond)
http://www.greggs.co.uk/